Since we moved, our ‘old normal’ has been thrown out the window. That’s been pretty tough. The loss of our routine has made me feel really out of control. Our old normal and our new normal are like different worlds. Literally. For example: the sun doesn’t go down until 10pm, and then the heat it leaves behind makes it hard to fall asleep; the kids were sick for most of our first 6 weeks; and I can’t communicate on a 2 year old’s level in my new country. Not to mention the Country/City, Familiar/Foreign aspects – which are also pretty important.
This fact is absolutely, painfully obvious to me now:
I’m totally helpless.
But the honest the truth is – I always have been.
Even when I knew how to ask for a specific type of bread, or even when I could get from point “a” to point “b” without visiting “c, d, & e” first. Even when I felt competent, I was helpless.
But now I can actually see my need. I honestly can not get through a day without crying out to God at least once (usually much more) with, “I can’t run into another cute old couple on the street and not be able to talk to them.” or “Oh, please give me patience – this bedtime battle has gone on for 3 hours now!” or the “I wish I could be in the U.S. to give that person a big hug.”
Yeah, I’m pretty needy right now. And that’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be here. I do – and I think it’s the perfect place for us right now. It may mean that I’m falling apart – but that’s okay. He’s got all my pieces, and knows best how they go back together.
And that is the really important thing that I’ve been learning lately.
Every new duty calls for more grace than I now posses,
but not more than is found in thee.
-Valley of Vision
As a deer pants for flowing streams, so my soul pants for you, O God.
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.