Today I made a list of things that have made life hard during August and September. I’m not usually a proponent of something like that. But I spent a large part of this morning frustrated with myself for not feeling… awesome.
And after all, there have been some enormous blessings in the past two months too. Malaki has a great teacher at a good school; some health concerns with family in the states have cleared up; we have a wonderful new apartment; my Spanish is growing; the heat of summer is (mostly) over. Those are not small things.
But today I needed to lay it all out there.
Finally, after listing a lot of hard things, my mind was able to rest. I think it was simply recognizing the enormity of those pressures that showed me that I can’t get it all together.
This week I heard the words to an old favorite song. It always makes me think of my great-grandmother. Probably because I heard it so many times at her church when I was growing up.
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend
Mimi was 101 years old when she passed away last February. She had a pretty spectacular life, and anyone I have talked to about her would describe her as a strong, independent woman. But I know that at the end of her life she really felt her dependence on the Father. Often she would call my dad back to pray with her. Or she would want someone to read a special passage to her. She loved to hear that people were praying for her, and she was faithful to pray for others.
So, even if I live to be 101, I will probably feel like I haven’t gotten it yet. But that’s alright each new trial, every hard thing, is another opportunity to lean on my Savior. He’s got this.
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.